Today, a new feature on Of Food and Slack: Secrets of Slack. These are the secrets of mixology and cooking that I've normally kept close to my chest, but figured they might benefit with a little light shed on them. Really cool stuff, like the Tot Casserole of Immense Class or the End of the World will still be kept secret, even after I've tried them to my satisfaction (or have I already? Not like you would ever know or check...). Other stuff, like the Section Eight, have to be shared, because it's cool and not many people would ever try such a thing without being told.
So here's how to do the best ham and swiss sandwich, something I have perfected over some time now. Part one, take some darkish bread and spread Russian dressing over it. Liberally. Not only will it soak into the bread and cook on to it, but it will kind of spread out thinner and give everything some more flavor. I use a lot, but that's mainly because I enjoy my Russian dressing. Also, I would like to make this perfectly clear, if you use Thousand Island, you are a wuss and I pity you.
Next, we put four slices of thin swiss cheese on to one of the pieces of bread. On the other, we stack about six or seven slices of deli-style ham. If you're using deviled ham or something, that's great, but for this example, I'm still using the deli-style you can get at a supermarket. Put the whole thing in a toaster oven for about three or four minutes, and wait. The ham should be pliable, the swiss cheese should be just resistant enough, but should have also covered that bread. And finally, your Russian dressing should have soaked into the bread just a little,
And that's all. I'd suggest if you use vegetables to use something like lettuce or another thin, very inoffensive veggie. There's a certain degree of flavor mixing already, and the thickness should be quite enough to satisfy. But not everyone is as gung-ho about this stuff as I am, so I will allow the proviso of vegetables, so long as they're not as thick as the rest.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Guide to picking a Chinese restaurant
As anyone who knows me in real life knows, I dig Chinese food. A lot of Chinese food. So much so that I have become something of a connoisseur of it. And with that in mind, here is my guide to finding good Chinese food no matter where you are or what your budget is.*
1. What are they named?
This is important. A Chinese restaurant should be named something like "Golden Dragon", or "Number One Panda" or something. Under no circumstances should the place be named something like "Bill and Harry's" or something like that. If it sounds all-american or as if it's trying to be fancy, it's not good Chinese. "Yummy Cafe", "Lucky Restaurant", and "Jade Lake" are also good names. It should be significant, but border on word salad in English.
2. They speak Chinese.
A good Chinese restaurant is staffed by people for whom English is a second language. If they sound like native English speakers, your food will suffer a slight hit. If they speak Chinese, it will not. If they speak Spanish, French, or worse yet, Russian, Get out. Mexicans have no place making Chinese food, and Russians don't have a good taste for Chinese food. The French, from my knowledge, don't understand this kind of thing well enough. They're too highbrow.
3. The most expensive item on the menu should be thirty bucks or less.
How you know you're not dealing with a "high-end" restaurant. Most good Chinese places are low-end or mid-end operations. If you wind up getting two dishes and paying over sixty dollars for your meal, something's the matter. If you have to pay a load for meals, then that means it's a high-end place and will charge you extra for food that isn't as good.
4. Order noodles, eat them first.
It is a rule of good food that noodles are almost impossible to fuck up. Indeed, in my life I have met but one person who fucked up noodles, and she refused to add the seasoning to ramen, serving it straight. Her other pasta was just fine. With this in mind, Chinese noodle dishes should, from my experience, be greasy and not very dry. If they are dry, or if they are otherwise sub-par, or fail to slide easily into one's gullet, there's a lower chance the rest of the food has been done well.
So there you have it. My first article here, and it's a guide on how to find a good Chinese place. Here's hoping the other articles go as easily as this.
*Void in China, obviously
1. What are they named?
This is important. A Chinese restaurant should be named something like "Golden Dragon", or "Number One Panda" or something. Under no circumstances should the place be named something like "Bill and Harry's" or something like that. If it sounds all-american or as if it's trying to be fancy, it's not good Chinese. "Yummy Cafe", "Lucky Restaurant", and "Jade Lake" are also good names. It should be significant, but border on word salad in English.
2. They speak Chinese.
A good Chinese restaurant is staffed by people for whom English is a second language. If they sound like native English speakers, your food will suffer a slight hit. If they speak Chinese, it will not. If they speak Spanish, French, or worse yet, Russian, Get out. Mexicans have no place making Chinese food, and Russians don't have a good taste for Chinese food. The French, from my knowledge, don't understand this kind of thing well enough. They're too highbrow.
3. The most expensive item on the menu should be thirty bucks or less.
How you know you're not dealing with a "high-end" restaurant. Most good Chinese places are low-end or mid-end operations. If you wind up getting two dishes and paying over sixty dollars for your meal, something's the matter. If you have to pay a load for meals, then that means it's a high-end place and will charge you extra for food that isn't as good.
4. Order noodles, eat them first.
It is a rule of good food that noodles are almost impossible to fuck up. Indeed, in my life I have met but one person who fucked up noodles, and she refused to add the seasoning to ramen, serving it straight. Her other pasta was just fine. With this in mind, Chinese noodle dishes should, from my experience, be greasy and not very dry. If they are dry, or if they are otherwise sub-par, or fail to slide easily into one's gullet, there's a lower chance the rest of the food has been done well.
So there you have it. My first article here, and it's a guide on how to find a good Chinese place. Here's hoping the other articles go as easily as this.
*Void in China, obviously
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